top of page

Dirty Words

Updated: Jun 13, 2020

Old woman
She's not thinking about a penis.


These ladies from the 70s are still so hot!

This is meant to be a compliment but it really isn’t. All it says is that a person is still “fuckable” which means that men still want to put a baby in them at age 70. Ewh! Well, not me! Jane Fonda, maybe.

Is “hot” the only criteria for approval in Modernia? It is. After all our whining and writing and picketing, why is it still better for women to remain smooth and svelte; unsullied by the years?

You are not old!

I am old and yet when I say it aloud someone nearby ALWAYS says, “Oh, no you’re not. You are young at heart. You are just getting started. You are only as old as you think.” ...Or as old as I feel? If that's the case, then I am as old as the hills because I have been feeling terrible for the past ten years.

Just stop it!

For one thing, this is patronizing coming from a younger person who really does have the rest of her life in front of her and actually is young. It is attempted robbery of my duly earned station. I came by my years honestly. Taking me down twenty notches on the wisdom ladder pisses me off. I intend to become more and more intolerable as the the years pass.

As if “old” were a bad thing. We are not supposed to say the word old; why? Old is a bad thing. We hate old, but don’t say that out loud. Will never admit it. The old are frightening because they remind us of our mortality. The old have shriveled skin, cloudy eyes, dry pussies and limp dicks; yuck! Nowadays my pussy is quite damp, thank you; from dribbling in my

granny panties.

As a child, the elderly scared the shit out of me, now I understand. We did not, for the most part, live with old people, like the previous generations. We were raised in our age groups, by our peers. We saw the elders doddering about in public. The occasional friend had “granny” living in the room off the kitchen, and what a novelty that was. We visited the old folks once a year. Their house smelled weird and we had nothing in common. And, they looked terrible; like tissue paper people. Children do not want to ever look like them or actually be them.

The only way to keep “Big Nurse” from the door at the “home” is to stay incredibly beautiful like elderbabes, Jane Fonda, Raquel Welch, Sophia Loren, Tina Turner. As for Tina and her great legs, I don't know if it's her macrobiotic diet or because "black don't crack," but she's a miracle.

Fat is Another Dirty Word 

ME: “I’m sixty seven years old.” THEM: “You don’t look that old. ME: “I have never looked my age. Baby face. And now that I am fat, the wrinkles stretch the skin.” I say these things in friendly jest, but nowadays my audience is too serious. They want to save me from myself; from my self-loathing. Well, I have got news for you and them. I have no self-loathing. My friendly self-jabs are meant for you to be able to stand near my excellence without fainting. I do it for my wretched public. Get over yourselves. THEM: “You aren’t fat.” (This means, “I love you even though you are gross.”) ME: “Are you protecting me from a word? Do you suppose that you are a wandering therapist, just waiting for a confused soul to pass by you, saying words that you must correct in situ? Well do you? Do I need correction for being mean to myself? I must be nicer to me? My body has fifty pounds of excess weight, (like carrying 7 gallons of water with me wherever I go!) but don’t say that out loud, but Essa forbid, I should use the “f” word.


We used to say “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Over the years I have realized that intent is the bone breaker. Speak in low tones with a foreign language and say, “I hate you to your core,” and no one’s the wiser. They will thank you; love you, even. Kids in the playground slung those arrows with piercing determination. They were trained by their parents, who were trained by theirs in the art of acting out hate with malicious intent. Or they saw it on TV! Which makes me wonder if it would be a good idea to let the state raise the kids with loving nannies, instead of neurotic, duopolist, consumer couples with rusty axes to grind. Don’t panic! It is sarcasm, an idea; humorous in this context. Jeese Louise!

There are many dirty words but we can all agree that these are some of the worst. And we can say them out loud in public without bleeps.


hate rape misery torture selfish inattentive uncaring


It seems as though body functions are thought to be dirty, except for the god one. Polite people in polite society don’t talk about real body stuff; like fuck (supposed to be joyful) shit (feels good when it's out) piss (so good when I make it to the toilet in time) etc... Polite people like to pretend that they don’t have a body. Or if they do, theirs has a magic catheter that surreptitiously disposes of liquid waste. Or they have no waste.

One last thing:

Who taught us that?

Another last thing:

The last thing An older woman wants is to think about your penis!


bottom of page